a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
