Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
