I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize