That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
