hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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