Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
