Where is the hickey?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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