Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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