Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
