i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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