some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
