i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We're too hungover to prance.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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