If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
