According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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