Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
