dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
