My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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