man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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