Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
