I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
