don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
