I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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