you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
