were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
