Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
