white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
