Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
