1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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