dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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