my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
