is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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