:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
