Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
