Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
