I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Houston, we have a squirter
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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