Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
