Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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