If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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