My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
