At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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