Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
