Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
