Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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