Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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