i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
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All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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