question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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