let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
