I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
