Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
