I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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