I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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