Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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