he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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