he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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