Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
