you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
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Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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