I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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