just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
