Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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