Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
