Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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