i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
