Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
