would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS