Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.