It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.