Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
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I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.