i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.