Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
