Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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